Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
