thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Randomize
