i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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