then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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