..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize