Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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