So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
ok first of all what the fuck
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
