She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
His hands were made for my vagina.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
