So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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