If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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