i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
