There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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