I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
