some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dear god my vagina.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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