My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
