your room smells of hookers.
And success
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
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