I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
