We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think a kid would responsible me up
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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