my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
