Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
