Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
