Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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