My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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