just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
