I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
