i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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