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So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
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