I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I CAN MOONWALK!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
