ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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