I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
