I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
