your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
