i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
