Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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