Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
