weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
