I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
