I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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