too bad you live with your parents still
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
