I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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