He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
