i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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