Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
