Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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