I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
