"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize