I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
