where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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