Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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