Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
