I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
