Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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