Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
