Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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