After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
