I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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