the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
