My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
