one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
