dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
