i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
