he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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