he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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