It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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