Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
