That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
