i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Someone shattered a urinal.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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