i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
