On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
