Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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