that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
