You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
