If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
