I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Found your dick twin last night
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize