just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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