lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
