Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
